Drunk Messaging
by paul124680
Summary: Tony and Clint meet online by accident and they don't seem to get along but Tony seems to have fun anyway. M to be super safe.


**You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!**

**You and the stranger both like Avengers.**

**You:** Hi

**Stranger:** Hello

**You:** how are you?

**Stranger:** Good, you?

**You:** great thanks... My names Tony Stark... whats yours

**Stranger:** Tony, do you know who painted my bow 'pink' yesterday?!

**You:** Hmmm... no... was it me cuz I can't remember a lot of yesterday

**Stranger:** I won't even bother telling you to lay off the drinks. Anyway, announce to all the recruit agents to wear their amour in the halls today. It's going to be very fun for me.

**You:** Is this Loki?...cuz I am getting a hostile feeling...

**Stranger:** No. I just think that the recruits need to learn to stop painting everything I own pink. by tonight they will be covered in pink paint. *chuckle*

**You:** *snigger* I wonder why they would do such a thing. But i still can't guess who you are.

**Stranger:** .. Tony. Bow- Bow. You are drunk aren't you? It's Clint!

**You:** OHHHH hey Clint...

**You:** how are you?

**Stranger:** Very good. Except for the irritating little problem. So- how's Jarvis?

**You:** ummm... good as far as I can tell, or as good as a AI can be anyway

**You:** and why do you assume that when ever I talk to you, I'm drunk?

**Stranger:** Because you usually are...

**You:** that is not true!

**You:** I never drink and fly... hahaha drink and fly?... instead of drink and drive?...

**You:** get it?

**Stranger:** Yes, it is true. And I remember /someone/ telling me a story of a drunk Ironman incident.

**You:** was it rhode? or pepper?... I bet it was Rhode...

**Stranger:** Maybe...

**You:** ever since I gave him that iron suit...

**Stranger:** Yeah... So... err... anything else interesting going on?

**You:** well theres always something going on for me... but nothing you would be interested in... How are you and Tasha?... I bet you have 'fun' with her don't you

**Stranger:** ... That's none of your business...

**You:** Yes it is... I made it my business when I looked at your internet history. You haven't been looking at porn for a while so something else must be keeping your attention... if you know what i mean

**Stranger:** Yes, Target practice and the accident Banner had in the lab yesterday. You have no idea what pepper-spray does to that guy.

**You:** *sigh*... you're no fun... but i bet you are trying to avoid the conversation because Widow has been rejecting you... ohhhh well... look on the bright side... that lets cap have a go at her

**You:** all those muscles... i bet tasha won't turn him down

**Stranger:** You are very, very frustrating. Besides, isn't cap still moping about his old girlfriend?

**You:** Yeah but he has to learn to let go of her... tasha could teach him how to

**Stranger:** I think Tasha has to see this conversation.

**You:** I bet she won't deny it... hold on... if she sees it than... SHE MUST HE NEAR YOU! YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH HER! hahahaha i knew i would get it out of you some how

**Stranger:** I have nothing to say to that...

**You:** hahahahahaha they don't call me genius for nothing you know

**Stranger:** Some of us also call you and arrogant Jerk.

**Stranger:** For a nicer form or language

**You:** ohhhh touchy are we? I know what else your touching though!

**Stranger:** Tony, put down the booze reeeal slowly and go back to bed. now.

**You:** but what if i don't want to

**Stranger:** Then you are target practice for the next three weeks.

**You:** ...you have a bow and arrow... I have an awesome machine suit that i can pee in... who looks like the most obvious winner here?

**Stranger:** My arrows explode. And you can't wear that suit forever.

**You:** or can I?... i just said i could pee in it...

**You:** and you can't hold your bow forever

**Stranger:** Have fun eating with that helmet. And... yeah. But I can hide. You will be to drunk to think.

**You:** WHY DO YOU ASSUME I AM DRUCK ALLL THE TYME?

**You:** ...wow...

**Stranger:** Haha. because you /are/

**You:** no i'm not! only 40% of the time

**Stranger:** Yes. You spend the other 60% hungover or on your way to being drunk.

**You:** ...i hate you you know...

**Stranger:** Yes. The feeling could be considered mutual

**You:** But I have saved your ass

**You:** so you owe me

**Stranger:** Yes... Okay. Now I'm scared.

**You:** But its true!

**Stranger:** Bottle of vodka to settle it?

**You:** no...

**You:** I saved the whole worlds ass

**Stranger:** I helped.

**You:** yeah but with out me... you would be dead

**Stranger:** Yeah...

**You:** your acting as if you don't remember the bomb i flew into space with... I FLEW INTO SPACE TO SAVE YOUR ASS! YOU OWE ME!

**Stranger:** I know I do!

**Stranger:** You never let us forget!

**You:** ...so you can't use me as target practise...

**You:** and banner can't hulk out on me

**You:** and tasha owes me sex

**Stranger:** I'm telling pepper!

**You:** ...I never said i was going to have sex with her

**You:** i could always watch

**Stranger:** That's it. Watch your back. I'll be there in about- four minutes.

**You:** hehehehe... you don't even know where i am

**Stranger:** Stark Tower? I could always ask Pepper, Rhode, or Fury. I'm sure Banner could track you. And Natasha will happily help once she reads this.

**You:** Thst

**You:** that won't change the fact that she owes me big time

**You:** pepper won't tell you anywzy

**Stranger:** "Pepper. This is a highly classified problem. I must speak with tony on Fury's behalf. Where is he?" You saying she won't tell me?

**You:** ...not if i tell her not to tell anyone... especially is i sweeten the deal with one of my... well.. lets call them specialities

**Stranger:** I'll ask her before you can tell her.

**You:** no you wont

**Stranger:** Maybe I will..

**You:** you can't

**You:** she lives with me

**Stranger:** Fine.

**Stranger:** I won't track you down.

**Stranger:** I'll hide all your alcohol

**You:** ...you wouldn't...

**Stranger:** You have no idea what I would do.

**Stranger:** Maybe I'll even convince Cap and Fury to confiscate it whenever you buy more.

**You:** they can't do that!

**Stranger:** They probably could if they wanted.

**You:** how would they?

**You:** i don't think it is possible

**You:** and have you forgotten about me going out?

**Stranger:** Why not? They are members of SHIELD after all. And no... But have fun finding anything at home.

**Stranger:** And if you go out then I can target practice! Yes!

**You:** ...but you owe me... I thought we got that point straight already

**Stranger:** Yes I owe you. But whats a relationship without a little rivalry every now and then? *chuckle*

**You:** but killing me with an arrow seems like going a little too far

**Stranger:** I'm not going to kill you!

**Stranger:** You think I WANT to have to sit and talk to fury for hours?

**You:** maybe? you seem to have a little bit of bromance going on

**Stranger:** Have you been reading fanfiction?

**Stranger:** That's not a good thing to do when you're drunk.

**You:** hahahaha... no...but the intent are very graphic when it comes to you and widow

**You:** *internet

**Stranger:** I swear if you imply that again I WILL be tempted to kill you.

**You:** but i didn't think you wanted to send time with fury in that office of his... or maybe you do?

**You:** or sometimes they are graphic about you and steve

**Stranger:** I was baout to say the same thing. Tell me, whens the wedding date for you and Bruce?

**Stranger:** about*

**You:** never... i still don't understand their obsession with me and the hulk

**Stranger:** Oh, I also saw a you and Steve Fiction this morning/.

**Stranger:** And a Thor. People just love you!

**You:** oh what fun... but thoki is a bit weird if you ask me.. i have seen some of you and loki though... most of it is from when he hypnotised you and you did anything he wanted... like call out his name louder... and louder

**Stranger:** Shut up. Don't you dare joke about that.

**You:** why not?... does it get you excited?... I must tell tasha about this... dress up as loki and you will do anything to please her

**Stranger:** It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life- hateful. Don't joke about it.

**You:** ohhhh so scary is what you like eh?... kinky really... must tell her about that as well

**Stranger:** I'll punch you next time I see you.

**Stranger:** Promise

**You:** next time will be with me amour on... so you break your hand

**Stranger:** I'll punch you with a bomb

**You:** that was so funny I forgot to laugh...

**You:** but we agreed.

**You:** I am not target practise

**Stranger:** You are after joking about that.

**You:** about what? you sucking loki's dick?

**Stranger:** You are hurtful when intoxicated.

**You:** hahahaha... you wimped out of this fight so easily

**Stranger:** I heard you had fun when they held you prisoner before you invented the suit. What exactly were you up to?

**You:** being tortured... and nearly dying...

**Stranger:** Aw, I thought you were having a little romance with your guards! That not true?

**You:** well there are derek... we was fun for a while but than bored me... and then there was Muhammed... he was a bit too vicious

**You:** *was

**Stranger:** Aw. TO bad. ANyway, you can expect me there in a few minutes.

**Your conversational partner has disconnected.**


End file.
